2017: Lessons I Have Learnt 


It has been five months already since we counted down to new year. So far, this year has been like a rollercoaster to me. It has surprised me with a lot of things I have never expected. With all the twist, and the bittersweet journey this life has taken me,

these are the lessons that I have learnt so far this year:

• I have learnt that jealousy will not solve the problem. It will worsen pretty much everything. Jealousy will take you to much darker place than you already are. You will begin to compare yourself to the others and make you lose your focus. You will get too caught up trying to impress someone and end up forgetting who you really are, and little do you know you have lost yourself in the process. You will always try to seek validation in others, and your happiness relies upon the compliments you get, the likes you get on instagram or the followers you have. Dealing with this type of feeling has been a hell for me as jealousy is my hamartia. I hate myself when I look back to those days in the past when I was so busy trying to be someone I was not, trying to impress people merely because I wanted to fit in. I was not feeling happy at all because the only question I asked to myself was “am i enough?”. If I had to give advice to my 16 year old self, I would tell her not to worry about yourself because you are more than enough. 

Now I have grown up, I have learnt from the past, from my mistakes, and I determine to make myself much better than I was. 

• I have learnt that we cannot force something to happen no matter how hard we have tried.  You cannot force someone to give you the same amount of attention as you do to him/her. You cannot force someone to care about you. There are some things that beyond our control. 

• I have learnt that sometimes it is needed for you to cut off connections from toxic people. 

 
• I have learnt that connection is hard to find; it is rare. And you cannot force a connection, for it should come naturally. 

• I have learnt that I will not waste my time and energy for something that is not worth fighting for. 
• I have learnt that honesty is the best virtue. Therefore, I value honesty the most and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. 

•I have learnt that time waits for no one, and we will get left behind. So I try to seize every moment before it passes by.  Everything has their own timing. Sometimes we tend to force things to happen as soon as possible, we tend to do whatever it takes to make it happen. But it will not happen unless it is time. 

• I have learnt that sometimes we measure success by how fast we get something that we want and forget the fact that it is far beyond that. Success is not measured by how fast you get something you’ve always wanted, because success, to me, is how you persevere, how you learn from the process, how you learn from the mistakes. 

•I have learnt to say YES to every opportunity. Well…..not every opportunity but yeah lol. One single YES could lead you to endless opportunities ahead. So I always remind myself to always take the opportunity

• I have learnt that I have full control of what is going to happen next. Like what I said, some things are uncontrollable but some things are controllable. 

• I have learnt that some people come to my life to either teach me lessons or to be part of something amazing which will shape my life, change the way I see things, and bring much more colours to my monochrome life haha!

• I have learnt that some people are way richer than we thought they were altough they might be perceived as the disadvantaged people. They may have lost pretty much everything but they are surrounded by family who love them, friends who are all ears.

•Throughout this experience, I have learnt and grown to be much better person than I was before.

And this year…..

I have learnt 

to let go. 

Happy International Women’s Day

This is me reciting this beautiful poem written by Farah Gabdon.

(What I will tell my daughter)

Someday you will be told that a woman’s gaze
must never stretch as far as a man’s.
That his should
soar above the seventh heaven
-like shooting stars between planets-
to find himself on Saturn’s rings
but yours-
yours must never exceed the ceiling of your house
because you were made different.

Your place-
lies in the cleanliness of kitchen shelves
the dust between radiator and wall
the stains on both carpet and floor-
because you are a woman…
nothing more.

***
But this poem is called woman
Called mother and wife.
Called daughter.

It is wombs stretching-
filled with pain and love,
lungs pumping life into new body and soul-
ribs expanding,
housing, embracing, caring, creating.

This poem is called woman,

It is hearts breaking-
Aching for both infant and man.
it is tender, patient , loving,
forever, understanding,
never, relenting,
and always, always, always-
real.

This poem is all woman.
All you.

***
The night you are born
I will take you to see the moon-
Full and bright –
it’s reflection filling the tiny pupils of your eyes
And your father and I will
Argue about whether to call you
“Shamsa” after the sun
Or “Qamar” after the moon.

***

Your thirteenth birthday is when I will read you this
Before periods,
And heartbreak and boys.
You will be as tall as me,
Your breasts emerging, hips curving
And your lips stained pink
Because you are learning
That being beautiful-
Is more important to the world than being real,
And that everything you ever did would always be labelled
“Not bad for a girl”
And that in some places-
Having a daughter
Still brought shame on families.

***

But this poem is called woman,
Is all woman
All you.

This poem is a reminder of what it means
To descend from a line of women
With the strength
Found only in martyrs
who set themselves on fire to save their kin.

This poem is all heart.
It is to remind you
That you share blood with women
Who march with shrapnel in their thighs
But fall to their knees the moment
Their grandchild frowns,
The same women who carry in the
Wobble of their arthritic joints
More strength than humanly possible.

This poem is because you are one half of life,
One half of body and soul.
This poem is because
You are a moon
And you must never forget
That you possess in you
The strength to shine
When enveloped in darkness-
To smile when drowning in pain.

***

You see,
They might say
That a woman’s gaze should never stretch as far as a man’s.
No, yours must stretch further.
Because you are a woman,
Nothing less.

Travel Diary #4: Which Road Will You Take?

This video was taken by me in Bandung, Indonesia


“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
― Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken 

Travel Diary #3: A Nature Addict

All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware

  -Martin Buber


My last trip to Yogyakarta, Indonesia felt like a dream, it was so surreal. I was so lost in the moment of feeling alive and believe me, it felt so good that I could not stop smiling. My heart felt at ease, and yes that’s true what most people say about traveling. It makes your heart feel at ease that you forget all the trouble you have because you are busy admiring the view. Nothing feels more amazing than tasting the freedom and witnessing the beauty this world has to offer. I went to check out some cool places in Yogyakarta, most of them are quite remote and less touristy

I went to check out some cool places in Yogyakarta, most of them are quite remote and less touristy. This time, me and a friend spent hours motorbiking to get to this remote beach located in Gunung Kidul. The road was INSANE! It was very rocky and slippery. We decided to park our bike 100 meters away from the main gate because we could not risk our bike to get stuck in a deep mud. Apparently, we had to walk down the hill for approximately 10 minutes to finally get to the beach. And again, the road was so slippery that I fell down so many times (or maybe I’m just too clumsy). Now I know how I got this huge bruises on my leg. But boy oh boy was it worth it! I will definitely come back sometime in the future but I do hope that the road will be much better than the last time I was there, though. Cheers to a good life x

A Prayer

I hope God isn’t tired of hearing your name in my prayers

-wittyamity


I am not a very religious person but I do put God as the center of my life. “I hope God isn’t tired of hearing your name in my prayers.” That thought came up late at night right after I prayed. I have come to realize that I always mention his name in my prayers. I always pray for God to keep him safe and sound wherever his heart may pull him to go, whichever path he chooses. One moment right after I prayed I was thinking whether or not God is tired of hearing me mentioning his name every single time I pray. Even though I am pretty sure He isn’t.


Travel Diary #2: Breakfast with A View!

img_1700

 

“Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.” – Paulo Coelho


I stay at House of Nasi Bungkus during my stay in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, and I totally recommend this place for all of you who love the countryside and a nature addict like me. I love the atmosphere, it’s very peaceful and calm and that’s exactly what I needed. It is quite far from the town, though but I don’t mind because I get to wake up to this amazing view.  

Breakfast with a view? Oh what a good match!

x

 

Travel Diary #1: Borobudur Temple

BRBDR

Borobudur Temple, January 2017

Borobudur Temple is known as world’s largest Buddhist Temple and one of the greatest Buddhist Monuments. Borobudur Temple is located in Magelang, Central Java just an hour away from Yogyakarta, Indonesia. I have been here twice and I can say that I am in love with this place. This place is overcrowded by the tourists during the day and I personally don’t like going there during the day due to the heat- it’s just too hot, I can’t handle it.

But did you know that you can actually go there for the sunrise? Well, not so many people know that. The only way you can see the sunrise at Borobudur Temple is through Manohara Hotel. But one thing to keep in mind is that make sure you go there when the weather is good, as in it hasn’t been raining the night before or else you might not be able to see the sunrise, and you’ll be so bummed when that happens.

I woke up at 3 in the morning, and it’s because my homestay was in Yogyakarta and I had to motorbike for over an hour just to get to Borobudur Temple. I arrived at 4.30 and began climbing the stairs. When I reached the top, there were so many people who had already waited to see the sunrise. I did not expect the place to be so packed but I didn’t really mind because I was so busy enjoying the moment. The sun began to rise and oh my oh was it so beautiful! I totally recommend you to come to this place for the sunrise. The view was just breathtakingly beautiful. I have always loved the golden hour and the misty morning when the sun begins to rise because it always reminds me of a good start, that no matter how hard your day or night was there will always be another day to give another shot. Cheers to a good life x

P.S: I actually had loads of pictures taken from my Jogja Trip but unfortunately, my phone hates me so much that it decided to act up and I had to restore the phone which means losing all the data on my phone. As much as I hate this kind of thing when it happens, but at least I still have them in my memory to and remind me how beautiful it was, how happy it made you feel.

x

On Self-Love

” Write down things you love and dislike about yourself”

 

Loving yourself should be the foundation of all love. It is hard to find love in anyone if you can’t even love yourself. I think many people can relate to this issue. As for me, I have been struggling to love myself lately and maybe that is why I find it hard to love someone and I always get hurt at the end. It is not the first time I’m sharing my very personal experience on this platform and I don’t mind people knowing the ‘secret’ or something that I have been struggling with. I want people to connect and to those who feel the same way like I do will be enlightened and know that they are not alone. 

Talk the Talk. Walk The Walk

It is different to loving yourself for who you really are and someone you are pretending to be. I have always thought that I have come to an acceptance phase where I acknowledge and embrace all my flaws but apparently, there are still a lot of things to be done. Talking about self-love is easy but when it comes to practicing it, believe me, it is so damn hard.

A Story.

So a few days ago I talked to this stranger, I opened up to him about what I’m going through these days. I don’t know about you but talking to strangers about my personal stuff is exhilarating. We both do not know about each other and that, for me, is perfect because I can share whatever I want without worrying he/she would spill it out. I told him that I am having a hard time practicing self-love and he told me that that is the root of the problem I am facing right now.

“Loving yourself is the foundation of all love.” 

He told me to write down things I don’t like about myself and what I love about myself and asked me to reflect on them. Those things you love about yourself are the ones you carry with you wherever you go. You also gotta acknowledge your flaws and accept them as part of who you are. When you are happy with yourself, and you acknowledge and accept your flaws and embrace them, you would not let anything in this world get the best of you. Your soul is filled with love and joy and you have built a home within you, the roots that grow within you keep you stand still.

When someone doesn’t reciprocate the love you have given to him/her, you would not be drowning in tears and hurting yourself and feeling worthless, because you know your worth, and hurting yourself for someone who doesn’t appreciate the things that you do is not worth your precious time and you know you gotta move on. If you love yourself for who you really are, you would not be seeking validation from others. Your worth isn’t determined by the likes you get on Instagram, how many followers you have, how many people praise you, and the compliments you get. Because you know YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. You know your self-worth and you wouldn’t let anyone devalue you.

In the end, even if there is no love anymore in this world, all you have is yourself and that’s enough.

Love,

E

 

 

Don’t Fall in Love with A Writer

“don’t fall in love with a writer “, they said
because you can see yourself in her words
how she describes you
and takes you back to the past

in her words, you are reminded of the first day you met her
the moment you walked towards her and
you just couldn’t keep your eyes off of her

how you held her hand for the first time
how the warmth of her embrace made you feel home
how her presence is like a safe haven to you

her words began dancing in your mind as you remember
when you and she danced the night away in the rain
when all you did was laughing on the stupid joke she cracked

yes, she still remembers every detail like the back of her hands
that’s why she writes it all
she wants you to remember it as well

but it was also her words that remind you
of the morning
you lost her

 x.