It has been a hard week for me because I still haven’t figured out how to say this to you. I am sorry if there was my gesture that hurts yourself. I swear none of them is intended to hurt your feelings. Your friends said that I am so cruel for leaving you behind after all this time, after all you have done to me. They also said that this is how I behave, that I will always push a guy away at the time I know that he likes me. It is funny how they come up with such a quick judgement about me. It is also funny that I notice how you react to me differently in no ways you treat me back then, like a friend. It is not because I do not care nor I am a believer of such thing called ” best-friends cannot turn into something more”, but it is because I treasure our friendships. I am way more comfortable when I talk with you with all these sarcastic jokes, goofing around like lame llamas, talking about stuffs like how your smooth gestures on flirting with girls, and I can be able to be mad at you anytime I want and talk normal like nothing happened at the next day. I do enjoy that moment, and feeling comfortable with my own skin with you. I do not have wear masks in front of you.
We both know that you are my partner in crime, but this thing that you want does not work between us. I cannot turn this friendship into something more than that. I treasure our friendship because I know that having a friendship like this is like finding a star in Jakarta’s sky. I rarely see it. Even if there is, only lucky people who have the chance to see it. And I am sure that I am one of those people who are lucky to see that star. I am lucky to have such friendship that is so pure. Love can be deceiving, my friend. Love can turn everything upside down. Knowing that I love and treasure our friendship makes me do not want to put this relation more than that. And for those who say bad things and spread rumors about me, seriously go find another jobs that suit yourself. TMZ would love to have you. Here is one thing I may take a distance from you but in no way lessen my affection for you as my friend. This is the last day of July that I decided to write back to you. I hope we can go back to the way it was.
Dear July, I love you but not in that way…